Is imperfect something to fear? Should we show our children that we always try to look the best? Be the best? Perform the best? Is it ok to just be who we are? Are we allowed to be flawed?
Recently my daughter and I were getting ready for the day and she spotted 2 stretchmarks on my tummy, she asked what they were and I explained they were from growing her and her brother. She then said “Oh mummy. Shall we take it off and get you a new one?” to which I replied “I don’t need a new one baby. This one is just fine.”
It struck me as funny and a little worrying that something that is not ‘perfect’ ought to be replaced with a new one. I guess this comes from her clothes, when they are mucky or stained we then put them in the wash and put clean clothes on. We live in a throw away consumerist society, but somethings can’t just be replaced because they are not perfect. It made me really think about the things they soak up at such a young age and the importance of showing them that we are not perfect and don’t have to be.
As the great Alice Walker said –
“Yes, mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me.”
We, as their role models shouldn’t be afraid to show them what it truly is to be human. I worry about showing my children that I am upset, or cross. I berate myself if I go out looking like Waynetta (from the Harry Enfield and Chums TV series). Sometimes I cry at adverts or laugh too loudly at things others might not find funny. Sometimes I say the wrong thing (probably more than sometimes), yet, is this not exactly what we should be doing in front of them? Modelling that there is no one way to be and we accept each other for who we are and that it is ok to not be the best.
This is different to trying our best, I of course want them to try and be the best they can be, but this is not the same as being the best! There are so many things in between and all of those things are fabulous too. It is ok not to be the ‘ideal’ because there really is no such thing. We will all be happier when we accept this and ourselves for what we really are, and what we are each capable of. To celebrate our differences and imperfections as ultimately they make us unique and probably are the very things we love in one another.
To be flawed is to be human and anything else is a fallacy. That is what I want my children to know. That their father and I are not perfect but that’s perfectly ok. We are perfectly imperfect. And they are too.
- I first wrote this piece for my monthly magazine column for etc – Horsham and Mid Sussex. October’s issue
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